funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  149 Dislike
sirdawko
Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"  7 Dislike
Alexxx
I went to the hospital today for swallowing too much concrete dust... I almost sh*t a brick!  7 Dislike
JockMCuddy
I had phone sex last night... Had to get the morning after bill.  7 Dislike
TheLoveDR
Whomever invented flavored condoms completely missed the point of blowjobs.  7 Dislike
Lithium1976
It has been quiet on Facebook...because Man Utd lost :) Shhhhhhh!!  7 Dislike
Ryan Swain
If Rappers always brag about how they used to be criminals, then why do they think its wrong for us to torrent their music?  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
Why does Snoop Dog cook bacon in a pan instead of a microwave?? ..... Fo Sizzle  7 Dislike
God
No I didn't fart, that would be rude . . . However I did accidently sh*t in my pants  7 Dislike
sirdawko
The meals I cook are just like Gordan Ramsay's. I say "f*ck" a lot.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Camalot on 03/11/2018 09:24:12 AM GMT
  • Rex I'm going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. Slogan will be: "Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls!"
    Posted by Rex  14/10/2018 02:55 PM  1 Like
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  • Rex If you superglue a dead wasp to the back of your hand you can slap your boss on the back of the head real hard & pretend you saved him
    Posted by Rex  28/08/2018 02:56 PM  3 Like
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  • Rex Why does my wife always wait till im at the opposite end of the house before asking me to mrmv vmbf vamnumjuh?
    Posted by Rex  19/08/2018 10:31 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:50 AM  7 Like
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  • gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
    Posted by gussyg  04/08/2017 08:13 PM  6 Like
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  • keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
    Posted by keetojb  17/03/2017 04:13 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".
    Posted by jumbojim  22/02/2017 02:06 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  6 Like
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