Funny Status Messages

Brasstoff: I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars? 122 Dislike
ujj: can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!" 7 Dislike
paul_h: h,"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it." 7 Dislike
thomas: ..Women don't want to hear what you think...Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice." (",) 7 Dislike
thomas: ..Never chase them, quickly replace them. Mistakes? Nahh, I don't retrace them. I just move on and mentally erase them..(",) 7 Dislike
Jager: 3D porn. It looks like its cumming right at you. 7 Dislike
a.sheppard: Fuck this I'm goin to Narnia! 7 Dislike
topkick: Last night my wife called me a sex addict. I told her to go fuck myself. 7 Dislike
topkick: My Chemistry teacher asked me if I know the symbol compound of sodium hydrogen. I said NaH. 7 Dislike
topkick: Life is a lot like my penis. Harder with kids 7 Dislike

Last post by Rex on 11/10/2019 08:48:56 AM GMT

Rex My friend is going to a fancy dress party dressed as a rastafarian & hes asked me to do his hair.....................Im dreading it
Posted by Rex 11/06/2019 04:21 PM 6 Like
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jumbojim It's kind of patronising that a computer asks you to prove you're not a robot
Posted by jumbojim 14/05/2019 03:45 PM 4 Like
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stormydan I'm fat. But I identify as skinny. I'm transfat.
Posted by stormydan 11/04/2019 06:43 PM 6 Like
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Rex All porn videos should start with 5 seconds music to remind you that your volume is turned up
Posted by Rex 15/10/2018 06:05 PM Like
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Rex I'm going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. Slogan will be: "Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls!"
Posted by Rex 14/10/2018 02:55 PM 1 Like
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USA1 Never challenge a guy to an arm wrestling match who's been single for more than 6 months.
Posted by USA1 24/09/2018 02:36 AM 3 Like
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Rex If you superglue a dead wasp to the back of your hand you can slap your boss on the back of the head real hard & pretend you saved him
Posted by Rex 28/08/2018 02:56 PM 4 Like
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Rex Why does my wife always wait till im at the opposite end of the house before asking me to mrmv vmbf vamnumjuh?
Posted by Rex 19/08/2018 10:31 PM 6 Like
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Rex To the theif who stole my antidepressants. I hope your happy now!
Posted by Rex 30/07/2018 08:42 PM 6 Like
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Rex Id probably be a hypochondriac if i was ever well enough.
Posted by Rex 20/06/2018 03:19 PM 6 Like
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bobbyl Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Posted by bobbyl 22/05/2018 06:27 PM 6 Like
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stefplum He died doing what he loved: telling me I'm overreacting.
Posted by stefplum 10/03/2018 02:37 PM 6 Like
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Rex I fear my gas bill more than i do global warming
Posted by Rex 29/01/2018 01:29 AM 6 Like
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Somebody If there's one thing that makes me throw up it's a dartboard on the ceiling
Posted by Somebody 26/01/2018 02:37 AM 1 Like
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stefplum A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Posted by stefplum 27/11/2017 03:28 PM 6 Like
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sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
Posted by sirdawko 12/09/2017 07:50 AM 6 Like
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gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
Posted by gussyg 04/08/2017 08:13 PM 6 Like
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keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
Posted by keetojb 17/03/2017 04:13 PM 6 Like
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jumbojim Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
Posted by jumbojim 11/03/2017 02:17 PM 6 Like
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Steff Words can't describe how beautiful you are. But numbers can. 4/10.
Posted by Steff 05/03/2017 09:21 AM 6 Like
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