funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  149 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
I nver wn playng scrable  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
Fact: Did you know Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" is about a teenage boy that killed himself after hearing that song? Weird...  7 Dislike
MrAwesome
"If a girls display picture is of her feet chances are you don't wanna see her face."  7 Dislike
Jymi
I think Women should come with a Carfax report listing previous owners, mileage, needed maintenance & expenses...  7 Dislike
@modaafocaa
Dear iPhone, Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely, Every iPhone User  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
I had a crazy dream... I dreamed a stupid tv producer thought he could replace Charlie Sheen with Ashton Kutcher...  7 Dislike
@TsirAhXuan
It is hard for a girl to be in a relationship with Torres. When she is busy missing being with him, he is busy missing the ball.  7 Dislike
@TsirAhXuan
Don't make decisions while you are angry. Don't make promises while you are happy.  7 Dislike
@TheStonedArab
THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN TORRES TELLS HIS GIRLFRIEND THAT HE MISSES HER.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Camalot on 03/11/2018 09:24:12 AM GMT
  • Rex I'm going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. Slogan will be: "Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls!"
    Posted by Rex  14/10/2018 02:55 PM  1 Like
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  • Rex If you superglue a dead wasp to the back of your hand you can slap your boss on the back of the head real hard & pretend you saved him
    Posted by Rex  28/08/2018 02:56 PM  3 Like
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  • Rex Why does my wife always wait till im at the opposite end of the house before asking me to mrmv vmbf vamnumjuh?
    Posted by Rex  19/08/2018 10:31 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:50 AM  6 Like
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  • gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
    Posted by gussyg  04/08/2017 08:13 PM  6 Like
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  • keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
    Posted by keetojb  17/03/2017 04:13 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".
    Posted by jumbojim  22/02/2017 02:06 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  6 Like
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