funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  150 Dislike
Shara
Nappies and politicians should be changed often ..both for the same reason.  7 Dislike
Shara
I have PMS & GPS...which means I am a bitch and I will find you.  7 Dislike
zero2high
My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo  7 Dislike
BachiBawwlz
I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am  7 Dislike
Skoobster
I'm not saying her nose is big ..but..she could smoke a cigarette in the shower  7 Dislike
Somebody
Transvestites... they've got some balls  7 Dislike
BachiBawlz
Did you here about the 200 pound man with 100 pound testicles? ... He was half nuts  7 Dislike
BachiBawlz
My wife was furious when she caught me wearing her clothes ...mostly because they were too big on me  7 Dislike
Skoobster
I wonder how many times that fat kid on The Addams Family locked himself in the bathroom with a Playboy Magazine and that freaky hand Thing  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 28/08/2018 02:56:09 PM GMT
  • Rex If you superglue a dead wasp to the back of your hand you can slap your boss on the back of the head real hard & pretend you saved him
    Posted by Rex  28/08/2018 02:56 PM   Like
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  • Rex Why does my wife always wait till im at the opposite end of the house before asking me to mrmv vmbf vamnumjuh?
    Posted by Rex  19/08/2018 10:31 PM  3 Like
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  • sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:50 AM  6 Like
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  • gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
    Posted by gussyg  04/08/2017 08:13 PM  6 Like
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  • keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
    Posted by keetojb  17/03/2017 04:13 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".
    Posted by jumbojim  22/02/2017 02:06 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  6 Like
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  • gussyg I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
    Posted by gussyg  13/01/2017 01:38 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything,but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
    Posted by sirdawko  02/01/2017 12:07 PM  6 Like
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