funny status messages

 


Last post by jumbojim on 10/07/2017 11:42:43 PM GMT
  • keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
    Posted by keetojb  17/03/2017 04:13 PM  23 Like
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  • jumbojim Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".
    Posted by jumbojim  22/02/2017 02:06 PM  33 Like
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  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  31 Like
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  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  7 Like
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  • gussyg I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
    Posted by gussyg  13/01/2017 01:38 PM  34 Like
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  • sirdawko I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything,but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
    Posted by sirdawko  02/01/2017 12:07 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Money doesn't buy you happiness, but crying in a Ferrari is better than crying on a bus.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  30/01/2016 11:30 AM  9 Like
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  • keetojb I told my 2-year-old she couldn't open any candy yet. She ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
    Posted by keetojb  03/11/2015 08:27 PM  8 Like
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  • guest I once dated an insomniac but it didn't last long, I could never get her to sleep with me
    Posted by guest  24/10/2015 02:26 PM  6 Like
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  • Grumpy Git How to get rid of a corpse: post it to yourself through Parcelforce. You'll never see the f*cker again.
    Posted by Grumpy Git  15/09/2015 02:54 PM  4 Like
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  • Grumpy Git These so called scientists proclaiming graphene is the thinnest black material ever developed have clearly never bought Lidl value bin bags.
    Posted by Grumpy Git  26/08/2015 10:13 AM  2 Like
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  • sirdawko What's the difference between "hippo" & a "zippo "?....One is really heavy,the other is a little lighter.
    Posted by sirdawko  25/08/2015 06:40 PM  9 Like
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  • funny I think my wife has had sixty-one boyfriends before me. She calls me her sixty second lover.
    Posted by funny  11/08/2015 05:53 AM  4 Like
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