funny status messages



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Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  148 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Scotland are looking at appointing Gary McKinnon as their new manager. He's the only Scot who knows how to unlock the worlds top defences.  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Apparently when you spend £5 on a coffee in Costa you get a free mug. Just stop by the nearest mirror to see it.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
When I was little I was afraid of the dark. Having just had my electricity bill, I'm now afraid of the lights.  7 Dislike
Lee (AUS)
Why test on animals when we have prisons full of pedophiles?.... just saying  7 Dislike
Parris
Bought a new shovel last fall and it didn't snow all winter. Same thing happens when I buy condoms.  7 Dislike
Parris
Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike  7 Dislike
razz
Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick  7 Dislike
gavanti
I love rumours, find out so much about myself I never knew!  7 Dislike
angie d
If you can read this message... then congratulations, you can read!  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 20/06/2018 03:19:00 PM GMT
  • sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:50 AM  6 Like
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  • gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
    Posted by gussyg  04/08/2017 08:13 PM  6 Like
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  • keetojb A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does
    Posted by keetojb  17/03/2017 04:13 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".
    Posted by jumbojim  22/02/2017 02:06 PM  6 Like
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  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  6 Like
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  • gussyg I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
    Posted by gussyg  13/01/2017 01:38 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything,but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
    Posted by sirdawko  02/01/2017 12:07 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Money doesn't buy you happiness, but crying in a Ferrari is better than crying on a bus.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  30/01/2016 11:30 AM  6 Like
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