funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  144 Dislike
gussyg
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure  9 Dislike
jumbojim
The chick at this circus just swallowed a sword and I saw a guy elbow his woman like “see?...”  8 Dislike
keetojb
i was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on tv and i put my beer under the couch  8 Dislike
copycat
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was 'pearl necklace' .. And then I ruined family time...  8 Dislike
stormydan
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.  8 Dislike
stormydan
My contact lenses fell in the toilet. Now I can't see sh*t.  8 Dislike
jumbojim
I'm "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.  8 Dislike
stefplum
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.  8 Dislike
jimmyg
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place  8 Dislike
 


Last post by stormydan on 11/04/2019 06:43:13 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  8 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  7 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  3 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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