funny status messages



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Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  143 Dislike
Thomas
..After reading this sentence you will realize that the the brain doesn't recognize a second 'the'. (",)  7 Dislike
sirdawko
Does your wife/girlfriend have any unwanted gold jewellery?Rings, Earrings, bracelets? If so give her a slap!! UNGRATEFUL BITCH!  7 Dislike
Yamish
Facebook Skype: helping people to look at each other while watering their crops on FarmVille.  7 Dislike
pinktiewizard
the last time i drank i wake up in a petting zoo and one goat was missing...  7 Dislike
FLIX
Dear Lazy people, 12343228854980. Sincerely, You didn't even read the whole number did you?  7 Dislike
FLIX
Dear iTunes...Please realize that when I put you on "shuffle", what I really mean is "Play all my favorite songs."  7 Dislike
FLIX
last night my status was "sleeping naked." I got 'likes' from 4 girls, 1 guy and 6 mosquitoes.  7 Dislike
FLIX
Everything's funnier when you're supposed to be quiet.  7 Dislike
FLIX
That awkward moment when you make eye contact with your cat while he's in the cat box taking a dump.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by stormydan on 16/03/2019 09:05:58 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  6 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  3 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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