funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  124 Dislike
dr.phil
If you watch The Human Centipede Backwards, Its A Heart Warming Tale Of A Surgeon Who Separates 3 Severely Disfigured People.  7 Dislike
Jriver13
Cancel my subscription bitch I'm tired of your issues!  7 Dislike
Jriver13
The amount of alcohol i would need, to sleep with you, would actually kill me.  7 Dislike
Jriver13
No I will not like this page! My facebook friends will know im not funny!  7 Dislike
TheDReeve
I like to break up with my girlfriends with a text: "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. You're Dumped!"  7 Dislike
erm
I just saw a documentary about paedophiles. It touched me...  7 Dislike
erm
I put some body spray on last night, but I only managed to pull Anne Robinson. It must have been the weakest Lynx.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
wonders what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to..?  7 Dislike
Somebody
ever gone grave robbing and dug up someone alive.... gezz awkwarddd  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Bâtard on 29/06/2019 02:37:39 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  6 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  3 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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