funny status messages



Category

Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  149 Dislike
SCOTLAND
I bought a plant off Run DMC today. You water it, and it grows a little something like this...  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
"I've just bought a pig skin leather coat" "Nice!! How does it look??" "Absolutely crackling"  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Thanks to Weight Watchers, I have lost 50 pounds in a week! Now I just have to start losing weight.  7 Dislike
Gringo
Went to the docs for my prostate check up. Is it normal for BOTH his hands to be on my shoulders during the exam?  7 Dislike
dreSHak
Let's have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.  7 Dislike
dreSHak
I could win American Idol if they just let me bring my shower on stage.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
My wife took a pregnancy test this morning and my worst fears were confirmed...She's just fat  7 Dislike
sirdawko
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife???? wiped his bum!  7 Dislike
UknoMe
Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by James on 01/08/2018 08:33:52 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  5 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
12345678910...Next >