funny status messages



Category

Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  122 Dislike
ujj
can't even take a picture these days without someone yelling at me, "You better not put that on Facebook!"  7 Dislike
paul_h
h,"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it."  7 Dislike
thomas
..Women don't want to hear what you think...Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice." (",)  7 Dislike
thomas
..Never chase them, quickly replace them. Mistakes? Nahh, I don't retrace them. I just move on and mentally erase them..(",)  7 Dislike
Jager
3D porn. It looks like its cumming right at you.  7 Dislike
a.sheppard
Fuck this I'm goin to Narnia!  7 Dislike
topkick
Last night my wife called me a sex addict. I told her to go fuck myself.  7 Dislike
topkick
My Chemistry teacher asked me if I know the symbol compound of sodium hydrogen. I said NaH.  7 Dislike
topkick
Life is a lot like my penis. Harder with kids  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 11/10/2019 08:48:56 AM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  3 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
12345678910...Next >