funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  147 Dislike
Rex
To the theif who stole my antidepressants. I hope your happy now!  7 Dislike
Shafugg
I failed in politics exam..The question was "describe d role India plays in the modern world". It seems 'Tech Support' is not d right answr.  7 Dislike
VeXeD
just finished second in a strawberry crushin contest :( this lady with no legs beat me the jammy c*nt :)  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
I've never hit a girl,but I WOULD SHAKE THE SH*T OUTTA YOU!  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
I just cant seem to find really good camoflage nowadays  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
An old Jewish couple opened a travel agency in my town... It's called 'Guilt Trips'  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
KIDS!! Remember this: Spelling and Grammar are our best letter of reckommendation.  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
Yes, Beyonce is pregnant of twins and I am the biological father but only of one of them (Don't ask).  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
my ebay account got banned!Apparently a string on a brick can't be sold as a penis enlargement solution.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by @paulhale on 16/12/2018 04:15:43 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  6 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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