funny status messages



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keetojb
The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock  30 Dislike
gussyg
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.  30 Dislike
keetojb
My new year's resolution is that donuts have no calories  30 Dislike
keetojb
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode  30 Dislike
keeto
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.  30 Dislike
gussyg
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.  29 Dislike
keetojb
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does  29 Dislike
jumbojim
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?  29 Dislike
gussyg
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.  29 Dislike
jumbojim
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".  29 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 20/09/2017 10:03:34 AM GMT
  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  2 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  7 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  8 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  7 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  7 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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