funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  148 Dislike
Kwesta
For the conceited people: if i ever decide to commit suicide, all i would do is jump from YOUR EGO TO YOUR IQ-LEVEL :D  7 Dislike
@TsirAhXuan
DURING THE SUMMER: Everyday I'm shufflin' DURING THE WINTER: Everyday I'm shovelin'  7 Dislike
unknown
i am a lion hear me ROAR.....meow.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
last night I saw a guy in a Man Utd shirt drowning in a frozen canal so I saved him...as the screensaver on my phone.  7 Dislike
@bigwmo77
Isnt it funny how you can be thinking about someone and they suddenly appear infront of you, My dad just caught me w*nking  7 Dislike
@romeofthesouth
commented on your photo  7 Dislike
Somebody
That awkward moment when God asks Beyonce 'who run the world'...  7 Dislike
achduliebescheisse
Living the dream, one nightmare at a time.  7 Dislike
@romeofthesouth
is back from A&E, broken leg and bruised ribs. Will be seeing a solicitor on Monday... Red Bull does NOT give you wings! Lying b*stards!!  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 24/01/2019 07:03:59 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  6 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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