funny status messages



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Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  148 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Scotland are looking at appointing Gary McKinnon as their new manager. He's the only Scot who knows how to unlock the worlds top defences.  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Apparently when you spend £5 on a coffee in Costa you get a free mug. Just stop by the nearest mirror to see it.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
When I was little I was afraid of the dark. Having just had my electricity bill, I'm now afraid of the lights.  7 Dislike
Lee (AUS)
Why test on animals when we have prisons full of pedophiles?.... just saying  7 Dislike
Parris
Bought a new shovel last fall and it didn't snow all winter. Same thing happens when I buy condoms.  7 Dislike
Parris
Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike  7 Dislike
razz
Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick  7 Dislike
gavanti
I love rumours, find out so much about myself I never knew!  7 Dislike
angie d
If you can read this message... then congratulations, you can read!  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 20/06/2018 03:19:00 PM GMT
  • stormydan AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.
    Posted by stormydan  29/05/2018 07:27 PM  5 Like
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  • stefplum I am somewhere between being too old for Snapchat and not being quit old enough for Life alert.
    Posted by stefplum  10/03/2018 02:41 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  3 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  6 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  6 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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