funny status messages



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gussyg
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.  34 Dislike
jumbojim
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".  33 Dislike
keetojb
The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock  32 Dislike
keetojb
I'm still exhausted from my 2-mile jog. And I went on it four months ago.  32 Dislike
keetojb
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him  31 Dislike
gussyg
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.  31 Dislike
jumbojim
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07  31 Dislike
gussyg
This beer hasn't killed me so it must be making me stronger.  31 Dislike
gussyg
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!  30 Dislike
keetojb
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".  30 Dislike
 


Last post by jumbojim on 10/07/2017 11:42:43 PM GMT
  • The Grumpy Git How is it I can never get any signal in my house but ISIS can upload videos from desert caves and sh*t?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  01/12/2015 05:48 PM  6 Like
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  • King My deepest fear is being drunk on eBay. I bought a plane ticket once to Christmas Island on a Tuesday.
    Posted by King  01/10/2015 06:36 PM  2 Like
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  • DavNg U Know you're Addicted to the Internet When U step out of ur room & realized your parents have moved, & U have no clue when it happened.
    Posted by DavNg  14/08/2015 04:06 PM  4 Like
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  • funny just cleaned my friends list....didn't delete anyone ..just sprayed some freshener...you fkr's stink!
    Posted by funny  06/08/2015 03:34 AM  2 Like
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  • Jasmino It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
    Posted by Jasmino  25/02/2015 12:19 AM  7 Like
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  • Scotland Groupon emails serve as a nice daily reminder of all the fun stuff I can't afford to do even at a 60% discount.
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:56 PM  8 Like
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  • Scotland Why is it that when there are a million interesting places on Google Earth, the first thing people do is look for their house?
    Posted by Scotland  24/02/2015 11:53 PM  7 Like
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  • Brasstoff I was asked today if I like angry birds. I replied, 'I must do, I seem to have been married to one for years!'
    Posted by Brasstoff  23/10/2014 09:46 PM  7 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor I thought Match.com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  6 Like
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