funny status messages

 


Last post by Bâtard on 29/06/2019 02:37:39 PM GMT
  • keetojb i was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on tv and i put my beer under the couch
    Posted by keetojb  11/03/2019 04:50 PM  6 Like
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  • Windex I love my air fryer, but have you ever been in a relationship with a crockpot? They take forever!
    Posted by Windex  01/04/2018 03:13 AM  4 Like
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  • bobbyl The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
    Posted by bobbyl  17/03/2018 12:48 AM  6 Like
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  • Brasstoff I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?
    Posted by Brasstoff  04/09/2017 09:54 PM  123 Like
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  • gussyg this pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense
    Posted by gussyg  11/08/2017 04:14 PM  6 Like
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  • keetojb The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock
    Posted by keetojb  19/02/2017 03:11 PM  6 Like
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  • gussyg My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
    Posted by gussyg  16/02/2017 12:44 PM  6 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git There's a place for all of God's creatures. Right next to the gravy and peas.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  29/11/2016 10:50 AM  6 Like
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  • Somebody I've been having problems with nuisance phone calls: most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
    Posted by Somebody  22/11/2016 10:42 AM  4 Like
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  • keetojb Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I'll just flip this omelette"
    Posted by keetojb  05/11/2015 07:07 PM  6 Like
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