funny status messages

 


Last post by Raziel on 27/09/2017 07:01:11 PM GMT
  • Brasstoff I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?
    Posted by Brasstoff  04/09/2017 09:54 PM  74 Like
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  • gussyg this pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense
    Posted by gussyg  11/08/2017 04:14 PM  8 Like
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  • keetojb The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock
    Posted by keetojb  19/02/2017 03:11 PM  8 Like
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  • gussyg My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
    Posted by gussyg  16/02/2017 12:44 PM  8 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git There's a place for all of God's creatures. Right next to the gravy and peas.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  29/11/2016 10:50 AM  7 Like
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  • Somebody I've been having problems with nuisance phone calls: most common one seems to be "You said you'd be home from the pub three hours ago!"
    Posted by Somebody  22/11/2016 10:42 AM  3 Like
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  • keetojb Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I'll just flip this omelette"
    Posted by keetojb  05/11/2015 07:07 PM  8 Like
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  • guest Anyone else notice that the world economy started to tank and terrorism boomed around the time that gluten-free products became a thing?
    Posted by guest  25/10/2015 12:21 AM  8 Like
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  • keetojb I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
    Posted by keetojb  08/10/2015 10:14 PM  8 Like
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  • King I saw a guy took a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart. Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
    Posted by King  08/07/2015 04:54 PM  3 Like
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  • King The other day someone told me that I can make ice cubes with left over wine. I was confused, what the f*ck is left over wine?
    Posted by King  02/07/2015 08:25 AM  5 Like
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  • TisMe This year for April Fools Day - I'm going to give the kids cheerios and tell them they're seeds for a doughnut plant!
    Posted by TisMe  23/03/2015 03:32 PM  7 Like
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  • Scotland Hey Starbucks, if yer gonna call your drinks stupid names, dont roll yer eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya yaya mocha choca latte yaya
    Posted by Scotland  25/02/2015 12:12 AM  7 Like
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