funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  123 Dislike
Mad2ytude
Screw optimists and pessimists, i am going to finish the glass..  7 Dislike
With love, Cerenitie
Dear Homework. You are not attractive, and I'm not doing you.  7 Dislike
markfarley
You remind me of my Chinese friend, Ug Lee.  7 Dislike
Justin Bieber
Yes I admit it. I'm gay  7 Dislike
Rick R
Life Lesson: Never under any circumstance should you compliment a woman on her mustache, no matter how impressive it may be.  7 Dislike
Rick R
Walked into the bedroom with 2 aspirin and cup of water. Wife said, What's that for? for your headache. I don't have one. I replied, Gotcha  7 Dislike
Rick R
Got into a water fight with the kids down the street. Silly kids will never learn that they are no match for my tea kettle.  7 Dislike
Rick R
I learn from the mistakes of others who have taken my advice.  7 Dislike
J3stepp
Do you know exactly how much coke Charlie Sheen did? I'm not sure either but it was enough to kill Two and a Half Men  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Bâtard on 29/06/2019 02:37:39 PM GMT
  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM  4 Like
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  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  6 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  4 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  6 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  6 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  6 Like
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