funny status messages



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keetojb
The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock  30 Dislike
gussyg
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.  30 Dislike
keetojb
My new year's resolution is that donuts have no calories  30 Dislike
keetojb
I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode  30 Dislike
keeto
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.  30 Dislike
gussyg
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.  29 Dislike
keetojb
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does  29 Dislike
jumbojim
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?  29 Dislike
gussyg
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.  29 Dislike
jumbojim
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".  29 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 20/09/2017 10:03:34 AM GMT
  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM   Like
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  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  7 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  4 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  7 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  8 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  7 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  7 Like
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  • Somebody spare a thought for the man who told his wife that hewas going to China on the Malaysian plane andnow can'tleave his girlfriend's apartment
    Posted by Somebody  20/03/2014 07:54 AM  4 Like
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