funny status messages



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gussyg
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.  34 Dislike
jumbojim
Based on the sound of her walking.. My upstairs neighbor seems like the kind of woman that starts sentences with; "Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum.".  33 Dislike
keetojb
The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock  32 Dislike
keetojb
I'm still exhausted from my 2-mile jog. And I went on it four months ago.  32 Dislike
keetojb
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him  31 Dislike
gussyg
My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.  31 Dislike
jumbojim
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07  31 Dislike
gussyg
This beer hasn't killed me so it must be making me stronger.  31 Dislike
gussyg
Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!  30 Dislike
keetojb
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".  30 Dislike
 


Last post by jumbojim on 10/07/2017 11:42:43 PM GMT
  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  7 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  3 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  7 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  7 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  7 Like
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  • Somebody spare a thought for the man who told his wife that hewas going to China on the Malaysian plane andnow can'tleave his girlfriend's apartment
    Posted by Somebody  20/03/2014 07:54 AM  4 Like
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