Funny Status Messages

Slickpony: My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure 13 Dislike
Rex: First Thatcher dies, then Ferguson retires, somewhere theres a scouser with a lamp & 1 wish left. 12 Dislike
Tabish: I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it off? 12 Dislike
Tabish: Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life. 12 Dislike
Aussie: Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster. 12 Dislike
ritzblitz: If Da Vinci was alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20125215-00854.jpg" 12 Dislike
@Bigwmo77: Told the misses a joke about a prostitute with a cold sore, Didnt go down well 12 Dislike
thomas: ...Today is filled with anger, fueled with hidden hate, scared of being outcast, afraid of common fate (",) 12 Dislike
AndresM: No, I’m not weird. I’m a limited edition. 12 Dislike
Rick R: Dear Week, I am leaving you for the Weekend. I would say it's not you, it's me, but let's face it, it was you. Sincerely, Me 12 Dislike

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Last post by Tabish on 22/05/2013 10:09:46 PM GMT

Rex Dodge global warming & move to britain!
Posted by Rex 15/05/2013 02:34 PM 5 Like
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Lerona Missing girls in America are like buses. You wait ages for one to turn up and then.......
Posted by Lerona 11/05/2013 04:04 PM 3 Like
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@PaulHale Happy St George's day. Makes you proud to be English! (status also available in Hindi, Punjabi, Swahili, Polish and Australian)
Posted by @PaulHale 23/04/2013 05:56 PM 3 Like
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@Kym254 I hate it when a shower only has two options – 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica.
Posted by @Kym254 22/04/2013 09:48 PM 7 Like
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Rex Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape North Korea's long range missiles.
Posted by Rex 13/04/2013 09:24 AM 9 Like
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Tabish Only in West Virginia would see a bumper sticker that reads "Proud parent of a nephew"
Posted by Tabish 11/04/2013 12:19 PM 3 Like
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JCGJ North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. Everyone is trying to calm him down but he's convinced he needs to fight someone.
Posted by JCGJ 11/04/2013 02:11 AM 11 Like
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JCGJ What's long and hard, but can't get up? A North Korean rocket.
Posted by JCGJ 11/04/2013 02:10 AM 11 Like
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sirdawko David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared 4 nuclear attacks from North Korea.David we weren't even prepared for f*cking snow in winter
Posted by sirdawko 09/04/2013 06:45 PM 11 Like
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marc North Korea is threatening use of a 70 year old weapon? scary Next on their list of 1940s inventions to copy are silly putty, and the slinky
Posted by marc 04/04/2013 04:51 PM 4 Like
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Random North Korea is like that angry drunk guy at a party. Everyone is trying to calm him down but hes convinced he needs to fight someone.
Posted by Random 02/04/2013 12:36 AM 6 Like
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Tabish here is how you fix the problem in Egypt, someone get dressed like MOses and go to the president and say "let my people go" ....
Posted by Tabish 01/04/2013 10:49 AM 2 Like
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Parris The first Irish National Steeplechase was finally abandoned. Not one horse could get a descent footing on the cathedral roof
Posted by Parris 17/03/2013 03:19 PM 4 Like
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Tabish I just saw a baby with a t-shirt that said, "I'm what happened in Vegas!”
Posted by Tabish 17/03/2013 12:02 PM 9 Like
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Shafique A recent study proved that if you stand on the Great Wall of China...You can actually see the moon.
Posted by Shafique 16/03/2013 08:39 AM 4 Like
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Alexis Dear America, You produced Miley Cyrus.Bieber is your punishment. Sincerly, Canada
Posted by Alexis 28/02/2013 07:38 PM 1 Like
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Parris My Girl Friend from Chicago asked a black kid in her kindergarten class what sound a pig makes and he said 'Freeze Muthaf*cker!'
Posted by Parris 26/02/2013 11:47 PM 4 Like
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Tabish I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Posted by Tabish 25/02/2013 11:02 AM 11 Like
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rex How do you start a rave in africa?.....................glue a piece of toast to the ceiling.
Posted by rex 12/02/2013 04:31 PM 7 Like
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CHUCKY Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with... How the f*ck did two sticks win?
Posted by CHUCKY 11/02/2013 07:57 AM 10 Like
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