funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  148 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Scotland are looking at appointing Gary McKinnon as their new manager. He's the only Scot who knows how to unlock the worlds top defences.  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Apparently when you spend £5 on a coffee in Costa you get a free mug. Just stop by the nearest mirror to see it.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
When I was little I was afraid of the dark. Having just had my electricity bill, I'm now afraid of the lights.  7 Dislike
Lee (AUS)
Why test on animals when we have prisons full of pedophiles?.... just saying  7 Dislike
Parris
Bought a new shovel last fall and it didn't snow all winter. Same thing happens when I buy condoms.  7 Dislike
Parris
Guy stole my bike so I got in a cab & said follow that guy! He said sure, whats his twitter name? We laughed & hi-fived & I need a new bike  7 Dislike
razz
Your family tree is a cactus because everybody on it is a prick  7 Dislike
gavanti
I love rumours, find out so much about myself I never knew!  7 Dislike
angie d
If you can read this message... then congratulations, you can read!  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 20/06/2018 03:19:00 PM GMT
  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM  4 Like
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  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  6 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  4 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  6 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  6 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  6 Like
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  • Somebody spare a thought for the man who told his wife that hewas going to China on the Malaysian plane andnow can'tleave his girlfriend's apartment
    Posted by Somebody  20/03/2014 07:54 AM  4 Like
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