funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  149 Dislike
sirdawko
Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"  7 Dislike
Alexxx
I went to the hospital today for swallowing too much concrete dust... I almost sh*t a brick!  7 Dislike
JockMCuddy
I had phone sex last night... Had to get the morning after bill.  7 Dislike
TheLoveDR
Whomever invented flavored condoms completely missed the point of blowjobs.  7 Dislike
Lithium1976
It has been quiet on Facebook...because Man Utd lost :) Shhhhhhh!!  7 Dislike
Ryan Swain
If Rappers always brag about how they used to be criminals, then why do they think its wrong for us to torrent their music?  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
Why does Snoop Dog cook bacon in a pan instead of a microwave?? ..... Fo Sizzle  7 Dislike
God
No I didn't fart, that would be rude . . . However I did accidently sh*t in my pants  7 Dislike
sirdawko
The meals I cook are just like Gordan Ramsay's. I say "f*ck" a lot.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Camalot on 03/11/2018 09:24:12 AM GMT
  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM  4 Like
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  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  6 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  4 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  6 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  6 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  6 Like
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