funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  147 Dislike
Rex
To the theif who stole my antidepressants. I hope your happy now!  7 Dislike
Shafugg
I failed in politics exam..The question was "describe d role India plays in the modern world". It seems 'Tech Support' is not d right answr.  7 Dislike
VeXeD
just finished second in a strawberry crushin contest :( this lady with no legs beat me the jammy c*nt :)  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
I've never hit a girl,but I WOULD SHAKE THE SH*T OUTTA YOU!  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
I just cant seem to find really good camoflage nowadays  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
An old Jewish couple opened a travel agency in my town... It's called 'Guilt Trips'  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
KIDS!! Remember this: Spelling and Grammar are our best letter of reckommendation.  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
Yes, Beyonce is pregnant of twins and I am the biological father but only of one of them (Don't ask).  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
my ebay account got banned!Apparently a string on a brick can't be sold as a penis enlargement solution.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by @paulhale on 16/12/2018 04:15:43 PM GMT
  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM  4 Like
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  • Thiki i don't get it why Japanese and Korean don't get along, I mean they are all Chinese right?
    Posted by Thiki  15/11/2015 07:54 AM  6 Like
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  • blameddevotee In the Middle East did you know that snap, crackle and pop are actually called Snap, crackle and boom
    Posted by blameddevotee  23/09/2015 07:43 AM  4 Like
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  • sirdawko The Sat-Nav in my truck has been f*cked since I came back from Calais.Keeps saying "Help me please,I'm stuck!",in a thick African accent.
    Posted by sirdawko  26/06/2015 03:41 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Experts in egypt have discovered a mummy covered in nuts and chocolate, they believe its pharaoh Roche!!!
    Posted by sirdawko  14/04/2015 02:28 PM  6 Like
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  • TisMe So, Kim Kardashian's arse is huge and has a lot of oil. I wonder if the US will invade it. Oh wait, my bad - half of the US already have.
    Posted by TisMe  26/11/2014 08:17 AM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko David Cameron has announced he is going to make it harder for people to claim benefits. From next week all forms will be in english only!
    Posted by sirdawko  17/10/2014 07:25 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko So Ebola has made it to Europe, if it gets any closer I'm getting as far away as possible, like, I dunno, Africa or somewhere!
    Posted by sirdawko  08/10/2014 03:34 PM  4 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Everything I know about U.S. history and geography I learned by reading the sides of U-Haul moving trucks.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  02/10/2014 02:29 AM  5 Like
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  • sirdawko The England team visited an orphanage in Brazil today. "It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope," said Jose, age 6.
    Posted by sirdawko  14/06/2014 02:24 PM  6 Like
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  • PARRIS Wow tell your kid that people from Oregon speak Oregano and all of a sudden "dad is the reason he's failing Social Studies.
    Posted by PARRIS  14/04/2014 11:52 PM  6 Like
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