Funny Status Messages

@TsirAhXuan: On a scale from 1 to Tailor Swift, what are the chances you are getting back with your ex? 11 Dislike
@romeofthesouth: Whenever someone says to me, "Oh you look familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond "Do you watch porn?" 11 Dislike
Justin (USA): A skinny guy with six pack abs is like a fat chick with big boobs. 11 Dislike
Parris: First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong. I see god is no fan of moon-walkers. 11 Dislike
Lithium1976: Still can't believe Lance Armstrong has died. First man on The Moon, and winner of 7 Tour de Frances titles. The man was a legend. RIP 11 Dislike
JD: Sometimes autocorrect can be your worst enema. 11 Dislike
Shara: Prince Harry's recent scandal has shocked the world. For the first time, people are interested in seeing a naked ginger. 11 Dislike
Shara: Life is like a box of chocolates. Some motherf*cker will finish it off when you ain't looking ...... 11 Dislike
Shara: Thank f*ck for Facebook.... without it i would have to call every one of my friends to let them know i was going to the gym... 11 Dislike
Shara: I asked my Mexican Gardener to use 'Wheelchair' in a sentence. 'Me and Juan only have one taco, but is okay. Wheelchair.' 11 Dislike

Email Address:

Buy our eBook for just £2.99

Kindle edition also available!

Website design for £249!

Last post by Gringo on 17/06/2013 01:45:56 PM GMT

@marlonizzle happy father's day to all you fathers..........you MotherF*ckers.
Posted by @marlonizzle 10/06/2013 10:43 PM 8 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish How about we start being thankful everyday, and have a holiday once a year called Complainsgiving?
Posted by Tabish 26/05/2013 01:22 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

The Grumpy Git To everyone who has said "may the 4th be with you" today, I retort with "may you go 4th with killing yourself now, thanks."
Posted by The Grumpy Git 04/05/2013 08:44 PM 2 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tomcatmaster I can't WAIT for Cinco de Mayo! What day is it this year..?
Posted by Tomcatmaster 01/05/2013 10:10 PM 2 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

The Grumpy Git The ultimate April Fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with heroin
Posted by The Grumpy Git 01/04/2013 09:31 PM 8 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

JCGJ I've been kidnapped by the Easter Bunny and is being forced to decorate eggs .. Ransom .. Send all your chocolate !!
Posted by JCGJ 27/03/2013 11:03 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

JCGJ Woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water & I tripped on something soft and fluffy. OMG, I think I killed the Easter Bunny!
Posted by JCGJ 27/03/2013 10:57 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

sirdawko It's palm Sunday today.... Is that another word for national W*nkers day?
Posted by sirdawko 24/03/2013 09:50 AM 1 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

thomas r. vance "Today is the first day of Spring.....BAZINGA!!!" - Mother Nature
Posted by thomas r. vance 21/03/2013 11:15 AM 7 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

@PJ_White I love St. Patrick's Day, but why does everything Irish seem to give me horrible heartburn??? Guinness Stout...Corned Beef...U2...
Posted by @PJ_White 17/03/2013 11:26 PM 9 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Parris This saint patty's day I'm celebrating my Irish heritage by being desperately poor and publicly intoxicated... Should fit right in....
Posted by Parris 17/03/2013 03:30 PM 6 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish Santa loves the rich kids more.
Posted by Tabish 17/03/2013 09:39 AM 3 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish why dont gas stations have black friday specials
Posted by Tabish 10/03/2013 07:24 PM 2 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.
Posted by Tabish 10/03/2013 04:06 PM 2 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

JCGJ I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Posted by JCGJ 02/03/2013 10:53 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Shafique My new year revolution was to learn English...and its still on.
Posted by Shafique 17/02/2013 06:54 AM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Parris Worst Valentines Gift ever yesterday had to be, Soap On A Rope from Jerry Sandusky....
Posted by Parris 16/02/2013 12:05 AM 4 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish Feb 15, time to go back to not loving each other.
Posted by Tabish 15/02/2013 05:01 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

@romeofthesouth Rose are red, violets are blue, does this smell like chloroform to you?
Posted by @romeofthesouth 14/02/2013 01:17 PM 3 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter

Tabish Roses are red, violets are blue, its Valentines Day and I have a life.
Posted by Tabish 14/02/2013 12:29 PM 10 Like
Share on Facebook | Share on MySpace | Share on Twitter