Funny Status Messages

Dave: I love Pope Benedict's red shoes! Will he click them together three times and say, "There's no place like Rome!" 12 Dislike
Tabish: Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life. 12 Dislike
JD: Best Relationship Advice: Make sure you’re the crazy one. 12 Dislike
superdan: what do you call all the extra useless skin around a vagina? the woman! 12 Dislike
AndresM: Drinking non-alcoholic beer is alot like going down on your cousin, it tastes the same but you know its wrong! 12 Dislike
Slickpony: I just ran out of T.P., so I had to use leaves, HA just kidding, but my wife learned a big lesson about leaving her panties in our bathroom 11 Dislike
Slickpony: you know....Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture....of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: so....why is everyone always talking about "Getting High on Life"??....because this cereal sucks....and it hurts my nose.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: DAMMITT!!....I just blew a speaker in my truck....he was a motivational speaker....and he was very convincing.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure 11 Dislike

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Last post by BigDot on 23/05/2013 02:59:17 AM GMT

The Grumpy Git To everyone who has said "may the 4th be with you" today, I retort with "may you go 4th with killing yourself now, thanks."
Posted by The Grumpy Git 04/05/2013 08:44 PM 1 Like
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Tomcatmaster I can't WAIT for Cinco de Mayo! What day is it this year..?
Posted by Tomcatmaster 01/05/2013 10:10 PM 1 Like
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The Grumpy Git The ultimate April Fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with heroin
Posted by The Grumpy Git 01/04/2013 09:31 PM 8 Like
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JCGJ I've been kidnapped by the Easter Bunny and is being forced to decorate eggs .. Ransom .. Send all your chocolate !!
Posted by JCGJ 27/03/2013 11:03 PM 10 Like
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JCGJ Woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water & I tripped on something soft and fluffy. OMG, I think I killed the Easter Bunny!
Posted by JCGJ 27/03/2013 10:57 PM 11 Like
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sirdawko It's palm Sunday today.... Is that another word for national W*nkers day?
Posted by sirdawko 24/03/2013 09:50 AM 1 Like
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thomas r. vance "Today is the first day of Spring.....BAZINGA!!!" - Mother Nature
Posted by thomas r. vance 21/03/2013 11:15 AM 7 Like
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@PJ_White I love St. Patrick's Day, but why does everything Irish seem to give me horrible heartburn??? Guinness Stout...Corned Beef...U2...
Posted by @PJ_White 17/03/2013 11:26 PM 9 Like
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Parris This saint patty's day I'm celebrating my Irish heritage by being desperately poor and publicly intoxicated... Should fit right in....
Posted by Parris 17/03/2013 03:30 PM 6 Like
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Tabish Santa loves the rich kids more.
Posted by Tabish 17/03/2013 09:39 AM 3 Like
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Tabish why dont gas stations have black friday specials
Posted by Tabish 10/03/2013 07:24 PM 2 Like
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Tabish Tourist Resort is a place where no one knows how unimportant you are at home.
Posted by Tabish 10/03/2013 04:06 PM 2 Like
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JCGJ I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Posted by JCGJ 02/03/2013 10:53 PM 11 Like
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Shafique My new year revolution was to learn English...and its still on.
Posted by Shafique 17/02/2013 06:54 AM 10 Like
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Parris Worst Valentines Gift ever yesterday had to be, Soap On A Rope from Jerry Sandusky....
Posted by Parris 16/02/2013 12:05 AM 4 Like
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Tabish Feb 15, time to go back to not loving each other.
Posted by Tabish 15/02/2013 05:01 PM 11 Like
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@romeofthesouth Rose are red, violets are blue, does this smell like chloroform to you?
Posted by @romeofthesouth 14/02/2013 01:17 PM 3 Like
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Tabish Roses are red, violets are blue, its Valentines Day and I have a life.
Posted by Tabish 14/02/2013 12:29 PM 11 Like
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trickz100 I booked a nice table for two, then she tells me she doesn't like snooker, wtf?
Posted by trickz100 14/02/2013 09:36 AM 6 Like
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JCGJ Dear Cupid, can we discuss your aim?? I mean, come on you gotta work with me here!!
Posted by JCGJ 14/02/2013 06:29 AM 8 Like
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