Funny Status Messages

Tabish: Screw you Adobe! I spend more time downloading Adobe updates than i've ever spent using Adobe. 12 Dislike
imp109: Instagram would be a really good name for a quick and efficient cocaine delivery service. 12 Dislike
Tabish: Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who's giving them medical attention? 12 Dislike
Tabish: Give a woman a compliment, she'll smile for a day.. Teach a woman to fish for compliments & she'll be annoying for the rest of her life. 12 Dislike
Slickpony: I just ran out of T.P., so I had to use leaves, HA just kidding, but my wife learned a big lesson about leaving her panties in our bathroom 11 Dislike
Slickpony: you know....Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture....of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: so....why is everyone always talking about "Getting High on Life"??....because this cereal sucks....and it hurts my nose.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: DAMMITT!!....I just blew a speaker in my truck....he was a motivational speaker....and he was very convincing.... 11 Dislike
Slickpony: My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure 11 Dislike
sirdawko: David Cameron has said that Britain is prepared 4 nuclear attacks from North Korea.David we weren't even prepared for f*cking snow in winter 11 Dislike

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Last post by BigDot on 23/05/2013 02:59:17 AM GMT

Tabish It's a shame that all the people who know how to run the country are all busy driving taxi's and cutting hair!
Posted by Tabish 17/05/2013 11:00 PM 9 Like
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Slickpony you know....Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture....of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house....
Posted by Slickpony 16/05/2013 06:23 AM 11 Like
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Tabish the comfort I get from bringing my own pillow on the plane doesn't quite outweigh the shame of carrying my own pillow thru the airport
Posted by Tabish 13/05/2013 11:21 PM 2 Like
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Milo You can never tell if a person is a secret hoarder. They usually keep it to themselves.
Posted by Milo 12/05/2013 11:35 PM 2 Like
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Tabish life is better when you decide you dont care
Posted by Tabish 12/05/2013 09:59 PM 1 Like
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JCGJ is at the beach. Unless you're my boss, in which case, I'm at work.
Posted by JCGJ 10/05/2013 11:21 PM 3 Like
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JCGJ Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There's a nap for that.
Posted by JCGJ 06/05/2013 10:49 PM 9 Like
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Somebody i think i should invent an App which tells me that my boss is watching me ... :( - vas
Posted by Somebody 22/04/2013 07:19 PM Like
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Parris Had she been a better entrepreneur, Sally would have sold blow jobs by the seashore.
Posted by Parris 22/04/2013 12:48 AM 5 Like
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@Kym254 Just set my alarm for ugh o' clock.
Posted by @Kym254 21/04/2013 09:32 PM 5 Like
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Parris Either my boss just accidentally sent a text to me that was meant for his girlfriend or I'm about to get a promotion the hard way.
Posted by Parris 20/04/2013 11:42 PM 10 Like
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Tabish I got 99 problems and they're all due tomorrow!
Posted by Tabish 20/04/2013 09:22 PM 6 Like
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Parris My boss said the act of murder is "unthinkable" which is ridiculous, because that's all I think about when she talks.
Posted by Parris 20/04/2013 04:14 PM 4 Like
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Tabish the middle class does not exist.If u believe you are part of the middle class,it just means you're rich and insecure or poor and misinformed
Posted by Tabish 18/04/2013 10:25 AM 5 Like
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JCGJ You're 15 years old. You smoke. You're not a virgin and you wear more make-up than you do clothes. You have a bright future ahead of you.
Posted by JCGJ 18/04/2013 02:44 AM 10 Like
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JCGJ is currently unsupervised...yeah I know...it scares me too! lol
Posted by JCGJ 14/04/2013 05:14 AM 10 Like
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Tabish If the government fails to raise the debt ceiling and stops paying their bills, I will stop paying mine, fair is fair
Posted by Tabish 11/04/2013 12:14 PM 4 Like
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JCGJ Wow!! What a day I volunteered at a soup kitchen, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a BUNCH of lies on Facebook
Posted by JCGJ 11/04/2013 02:09 AM 10 Like
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sirdawko I hear the coal miners are celebrating Thatcher's death .Enjoy the party tonight. You haven't got work in the morning.
Posted by sirdawko 09/04/2013 08:56 AM 6 Like
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Tabish First Rule of Business: Stay the hell out of mine!
Posted by Tabish 07/04/2013 03:36 PM 2 Like
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