funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  150 Dislike
Shara
Nappies and politicians should be changed often ..both for the same reason.  7 Dislike
Shara
I have PMS & GPS...which means I am a bitch and I will find you.  7 Dislike
zero2high
My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo  7 Dislike
BachiBawwlz
I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger to remind me of how f*cked I am  7 Dislike
Skoobster
I'm not saying her nose is big ..but..she could smoke a cigarette in the shower  7 Dislike
Somebody
Transvestites... they've got some balls  7 Dislike
BachiBawlz
Did you here about the 200 pound man with 100 pound testicles? ... He was half nuts  7 Dislike
BachiBawlz
My wife was furious when she caught me wearing her clothes ...mostly because they were too big on me  7 Dislike
Skoobster
I wonder how many times that fat kid on The Addams Family locked himself in the bathroom with a Playboy Magazine and that freaky hand Thing  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Rex on 28/08/2018 02:56:09 PM GMT
  • gussyg My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
    Posted by gussyg  25/03/2017 01:15 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K This one time...I didnt see time or date....since then I call it 'this one time'.
    Posted by Shafique.K  10/12/2016 11:47 AM  6 Like
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  • Phil If somebody reads a newspaper from a long time ago then are they reading the news, or are they reading the olds?
    Posted by Phil  14/02/2016 01:44 AM  6 Like
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  • A Monkey They say that if life give you lemons, make lemonade. What if life gives you lemonade though?
    Posted by A Monkey  20/10/2015 08:12 PM  2 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git I don't see why people are so concerned by the drop in bee population. They've clearly never been stung by one. Or a wasp.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  20/06/2015 12:33 PM  1 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Election day: the day when you get to choose which position to be f*cked in for the next 5 years.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  07/05/2015 09:18 AM  6 Like
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  • DavidNg We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I'm important enough to bribe.
    Posted by DavidNg  27/04/2015 08:11 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!
    Posted by sirdawko  26/01/2015 11:37 AM  5 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  07/11/2014 03:47 PM  6 Like
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