funny status messages



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Top Ten

Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  147 Dislike
Rex
To the theif who stole my antidepressants. I hope your happy now!  7 Dislike
Shafugg
I failed in politics exam..The question was "describe d role India plays in the modern world". It seems 'Tech Support' is not d right answr.  7 Dislike
VeXeD
just finished second in a strawberry crushin contest :( this lady with no legs beat me the jammy c*nt :)  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
I've never hit a girl,but I WOULD SHAKE THE SH*T OUTTA YOU!  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
I just cant seem to find really good camoflage nowadays  7 Dislike
@BachiBawlz
An old Jewish couple opened a travel agency in my town... It's called 'Guilt Trips'  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
KIDS!! Remember this: Spelling and Grammar are our best letter of reckommendation.  7 Dislike
@pinktiewizard
Yes, Beyonce is pregnant of twins and I am the biological father but only of one of them (Don't ask).  7 Dislike
ghasstonish
my ebay account got banned!Apparently a string on a brick can't be sold as a penis enlargement solution.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by @paulhale on 16/12/2018 04:15:43 PM GMT
  • gussyg My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
    Posted by gussyg  25/03/2017 01:15 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K This one time...I didnt see time or date....since then I call it 'this one time'.
    Posted by Shafique.K  10/12/2016 11:47 AM  6 Like
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  • Phil If somebody reads a newspaper from a long time ago then are they reading the news, or are they reading the olds?
    Posted by Phil  14/02/2016 01:44 AM  6 Like
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  • A Monkey They say that if life give you lemons, make lemonade. What if life gives you lemonade though?
    Posted by A Monkey  20/10/2015 08:12 PM  2 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git I don't see why people are so concerned by the drop in bee population. They've clearly never been stung by one. Or a wasp.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  20/06/2015 12:33 PM  1 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Election day: the day when you get to choose which position to be f*cked in for the next 5 years.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  07/05/2015 09:18 AM  6 Like
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  • DavidNg We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I'm important enough to bribe.
    Posted by DavidNg  27/04/2015 08:11 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!
    Posted by sirdawko  26/01/2015 11:37 AM  5 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  07/11/2014 03:47 PM  6 Like
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