funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  144 Dislike
gussyg
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure  9 Dislike
jumbojim
The chick at this circus just swallowed a sword and I saw a guy elbow his woman like “see?...”  8 Dislike
keetojb
i was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on tv and i put my beer under the couch  8 Dislike
copycat
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was 'pearl necklace' .. And then I ruined family time...  8 Dislike
stormydan
AOL has been hacked. Users have also been asked to check their Atari settings for possible compromise.  8 Dislike
stormydan
My contact lenses fell in the toilet. Now I can't see sh*t.  8 Dislike
jumbojim
I'm "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.  8 Dislike
stefplum
No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.  8 Dislike
jimmyg
If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place  8 Dislike
 


Last post by stormydan on 11/04/2019 06:43:13 PM GMT
  • gussyg My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
    Posted by gussyg  25/03/2017 01:15 PM  7 Like
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  • Shafique.K This one time...I didnt see time or date....since then I call it 'this one time'.
    Posted by Shafique.K  10/12/2016 11:47 AM  6 Like
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  • Phil If somebody reads a newspaper from a long time ago then are they reading the news, or are they reading the olds?
    Posted by Phil  14/02/2016 01:44 AM  6 Like
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  • A Monkey They say that if life give you lemons, make lemonade. What if life gives you lemonade though?
    Posted by A Monkey  20/10/2015 08:12 PM  2 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git I don't see why people are so concerned by the drop in bee population. They've clearly never been stung by one. Or a wasp.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  20/06/2015 12:33 PM  1 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Election day: the day when you get to choose which position to be f*cked in for the next 5 years.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  07/05/2015 09:18 AM  6 Like
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  • DavidNg We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I'm important enough to bribe.
    Posted by DavidNg  27/04/2015 08:11 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!
    Posted by sirdawko  26/01/2015 11:37 AM  5 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  07/11/2014 03:47 PM  6 Like
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