funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  149 Dislike
SCOTLAND
I bought a plant off Run DMC today. You water it, and it grows a little something like this...  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
"I've just bought a pig skin leather coat" "Nice!! How does it look??" "Absolutely crackling"  7 Dislike
SCOTLAND
Thanks to Weight Watchers, I have lost 50 pounds in a week! Now I just have to start losing weight.  7 Dislike
Gringo
Went to the docs for my prostate check up. Is it normal for BOTH his hands to be on my shoulders during the exam?  7 Dislike
dreSHak
Let's have sex? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.  7 Dislike
dreSHak
I could win American Idol if they just let me bring my shower on stage.  7 Dislike
sirdawko
My wife took a pregnancy test this morning and my worst fears were confirmed...She's just fat  7 Dislike
sirdawko
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife???? wiped his bum!  7 Dislike
UknoMe
Dogs are tough. I've been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy.  7 Dislike
 


Last post by James on 01/08/2018 08:33:52 PM GMT
  • gussyg My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
    Posted by gussyg  25/03/2017 01:15 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K This one time...I didnt see time or date....since then I call it 'this one time'.
    Posted by Shafique.K  10/12/2016 11:47 AM  6 Like
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  • Phil If somebody reads a newspaper from a long time ago then are they reading the news, or are they reading the olds?
    Posted by Phil  14/02/2016 01:44 AM  6 Like
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  • A Monkey They say that if life give you lemons, make lemonade. What if life gives you lemonade though?
    Posted by A Monkey  20/10/2015 08:12 PM  2 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git I don't see why people are so concerned by the drop in bee population. They've clearly never been stung by one. Or a wasp.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  20/06/2015 12:33 PM  1 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Election day: the day when you get to choose which position to be f*cked in for the next 5 years.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  07/05/2015 09:18 AM  6 Like
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  • DavidNg We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I'm important enough to bribe.
    Posted by DavidNg  27/04/2015 08:11 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!
    Posted by sirdawko  26/01/2015 11:37 AM  5 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  07/11/2014 03:47 PM  6 Like
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  • Rex David Cameron the only man at this moment in time that's screwing more people than every porn star combined!
    Posted by Rex  06/10/2014 12:59 AM  3 Like
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