funny status messages



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Brasstoff
I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?  123 Dislike
Mad2ytude
Screw optimists and pessimists, i am going to finish the glass..  7 Dislike
With love, Cerenitie
Dear Homework. You are not attractive, and I'm not doing you.  7 Dislike
markfarley
You remind me of my Chinese friend, Ug Lee.  7 Dislike
Justin Bieber
Yes I admit it. I'm gay  7 Dislike
Rick R
Life Lesson: Never under any circumstance should you compliment a woman on her mustache, no matter how impressive it may be.  7 Dislike
Rick R
Walked into the bedroom with 2 aspirin and cup of water. Wife said, What's that for? for your headache. I don't have one. I replied, Gotcha  7 Dislike
Rick R
Got into a water fight with the kids down the street. Silly kids will never learn that they are no match for my tea kettle.  7 Dislike
Rick R
I learn from the mistakes of others who have taken my advice.  7 Dislike
J3stepp
Do you know exactly how much coke Charlie Sheen did? I'm not sure either but it was enough to kill Two and a Half Men  7 Dislike
 


Last post by Bâtard on 29/06/2019 02:37:39 PM GMT
  • gussyg My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.
    Posted by gussyg  25/03/2017 01:15 PM  6 Like
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  • Shafique.K This one time...I didnt see time or date....since then I call it 'this one time'.
    Posted by Shafique.K  10/12/2016 11:47 AM  6 Like
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  • Phil If somebody reads a newspaper from a long time ago then are they reading the news, or are they reading the olds?
    Posted by Phil  14/02/2016 01:44 AM  6 Like
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  • A Monkey They say that if life give you lemons, make lemonade. What if life gives you lemonade though?
    Posted by A Monkey  20/10/2015 08:12 PM  2 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git I don't see why people are so concerned by the drop in bee population. They've clearly never been stung by one. Or a wasp.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  20/06/2015 12:33 PM  1 Like
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  • The Grumpy Git Election day: the day when you get to choose which position to be f*cked in for the next 5 years.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  07/05/2015 09:18 AM  6 Like
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  • DavidNg We have a bribery problem around here. No one seems to think I'm important enough to bribe.
    Posted by DavidNg  27/04/2015 08:11 PM  6 Like
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  • sirdawko Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end!
    Posted by sirdawko  26/01/2015 11:37 AM  5 Like
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  • TheLoveDoctor Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
    Posted by TheLoveDoctor  07/11/2014 03:47 PM  6 Like
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