Funny Status Messages

Slickpony: My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure 12 Dislike
Brasstoff: I had an e-mail this morning. 'Try this amazing fat stripper free for 7 days'....I was disappointed to find it was a weight loss program! 12 Dislike
Carmen Andrade e Silva: is sueing Herbal Essences. NEVER got a single orgasm from washing my hair. Lying idiots. 12 Dislike
Jan: : For English: Press 1, Para Espanol: Move to mexico 12 Dislike
Russ: : It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy 12 Dislike
sirdawko: Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...... Hang on. It dosen't matter now......! 11 Dislike
Slickpony: I just ran out of T.P., so I had to use leaves, HA just kidding, but my wife learned a big lesson about leaving her panties in our bathroom 11 Dislike
JCGJ: "Only those who care about you can hear you when you're quiet" 11 Dislike
Rex: I think my teenage daughter is finally understanding the value of money, i heard 1 lad on the bus tell his friend how tight she was. 11 Dislike
JCGJ: So, If I were to do unto others as they always do unto me...How much jail time would that be for me exactly?! 11 Dislike

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Last post by BigDot on 23/05/2013 02:59:17 AM GMT

BigDot I was heading to the tavern and the wife says "you b*stard,you need to find Jesus"so I said "I heard he's in the tavern,i'll start there"
Posted by BigDot 23/05/2013 02:59 AM Like
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Tabish How are we suppose to have flying cars if we can't even get AM radio without static?
Posted by Tabish 22/05/2013 10:09 PM Like
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sirdawko You may know Jesus walked on water, I can crawl on wine !!!...
Posted by sirdawko 19/05/2013 05:00 PM 5 Like
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Tabish if 666 is considered evil, then is 25.8069 the root of all evil?
Posted by Tabish 18/05/2013 02:06 PM 5 Like
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Rex I have an allergy to dying, ive heard it could kill me.
Posted by Rex 18/05/2013 01:01 PM 1 Like
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Tabish It's a shame that all the people who know how to run the country are all busy driving taxi's and cutting hair!
Posted by Tabish 17/05/2013 11:00 PM 9 Like
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Tabish McDonalds is growing up! They dumped Ronald and I hear they are planning to add an adult toy to their value meals.
Posted by Tabish 17/05/2013 10:53 PM 2 Like
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Shafugg I always prefer carrying a picture of my girl in my wallet.....cos it always reminds me of why there is no fuggin cash in there.
Posted by Shafugg 17/05/2013 01:46 PM 7 Like
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@Kym254 How long do I have to bite my lip before he notices I'm flirting? There's blood everywhere.
Posted by @Kym254 17/05/2013 10:25 AM 5 Like
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redt6 I'm sorry I keep looking at your chest while you're talking. It's just so beautiful. What is it, oak?
Posted by redt6 17/05/2013 04:03 AM Like
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sirdawko Premature ejaculator seeks bubbly, blonde female with big ti...... Hang on. It dosen't matter now......!
Posted by sirdawko 16/05/2013 05:19 PM 11 Like
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Rex Just bought some prawn balls, & if the size of them are anything to go by his dick must be f*cking massive!
Posted by Rex 16/05/2013 02:01 PM 3 Like
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Slickpony you know....I once dated an amputee....She single-handedly changed my life....
Posted by Slickpony 16/05/2013 06:28 AM 8 Like
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Slickpony I just ran out of T.P., so I had to use leaves, HA just kidding, but my wife learned a big lesson about leaving her panties in our bathroom
Posted by Slickpony 16/05/2013 06:26 AM 11 Like
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Slickpony you know....Porn paints a extremely unrealistic picture....of how quickly you can get a plumber over to your house....
Posted by Slickpony 16/05/2013 06:23 AM 10 Like
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Tabish These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Posted by Tabish 15/05/2013 08:29 PM 5 Like
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Rex Dodge global warming & move to britain!
Posted by Rex 15/05/2013 02:34 PM 5 Like
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Somebody "If you make a false statement causing you too lose credibility, it's not the end of the world you know." - Mayans
Posted by Somebody 15/05/2013 12:02 AM 3 Like
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Tabish the comfort I get from bringing my own pillow on the plane doesn't quite outweigh the shame of carrying my own pillow thru the airport
Posted by Tabish 13/05/2013 11:21 PM 2 Like
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Tabish Seriously? WTF is it with all the unecessary phone names? ~~> Get the new 4G LTE touch bionic droid x2 razor Evo 3D 8950 by HTC.
Posted by Tabish 13/05/2013 11:18 PM 3 Like
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