funny status messages

 


Last post by Rex on 01/12/2017 03:47:02 PM GMT
  • stepfplum They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don't have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won't look weird.
    Posted by stepfplum  25/11/2017 04:57 PM  3 Like
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  • Rex The recent earthquake in mexico registered as 7.1 on the Richter scale anything above 8 should be measured on a rectum scale
    Posted by Rex  20/09/2017 10:03 AM  2 Like
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  • sirdawko Liven up boring long haul flights by pressing the stewardess call button & then when she comes 2 your seat just say "NO I CAN'T FLY A PLANE"
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:50 AM  3 Like
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  • sirdawko My wife says shes leaving me because I exaggerate too much. So I slapped her with my 16 inch cock.
    Posted by sirdawko  12/09/2017 07:49 AM  2 Like
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  • Brasstoff I heard that if I stood on Mars I would weigh 20% less. I now know this to be false! Does anyone want to buy 48 flattened chocolate bars?
    Posted by Brasstoff  04/09/2017 09:54 PM  91 Like
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  • keetojb I've decided that I'm an ass man. Don't get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren't as cute as donkeys.
    Posted by keetojb  23/08/2017 07:51 PM  7 Like
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  • gussyg this pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense
    Posted by gussyg  11/08/2017 04:14 PM  7 Like
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  • gussyg My dog's ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I'd like it to be.
    Posted by gussyg  04/08/2017 08:13 PM  7 Like
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  • Rex Had my brother in stitches last night. I told him a joke he never laughed so i hit him with a baseball bat.
    Posted by Rex  03/08/2017 08:14 PM  4 Like
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  • jumbojim It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
    Posted by jumbojim  02/08/2017 09:03 PM  7 Like
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  • jumbojim I was wondering why some couples don't go to the gym together but I guess some relationships just don't work out...
    Posted by jumbojim  10/07/2017 11:42 PM  7 Like
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  • sirdawko I left my girlfriend some notes around the house.She's already found"Will""you"&"me".I hope she hurries up finding"leave"&"the f*ck alone".
    Posted by sirdawko  31/05/2017 10:16 AM  7 Like
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