funny status messages

 


Last post by keetojb on 19/02/2017 03:11:27 PM GMT
  • keetojb The doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock
    Posted by keetojb  19/02/2017 03:11 PM  1 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • keetojb Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him
    Posted by keetojb  17/02/2017 03:14 PM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • gussyg My toddler gets pretty impatient with me for someone who takes 45 minutes to eat an egg.
    Posted by gussyg  16/02/2017 12:44 PM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • jumbojim Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
    Posted by jumbojim  10/02/2017 06:19 PM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Shafique.K@BawloEscobar Marriage is something when a man and a woman become one...problem starts when they try to decide which one.
    Posted by Shafique.K@BawloEscobar  29/01/2017 09:45 AM  1 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • Shafique.K Interviewer: What is your weakness? Me: I'm short tempered. Interviewer: Explain. Me: What the fugg do you mean by explain, you moron !!
    Posted by Shafique.K  28/01/2017 03:16 PM  1 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • gussyg I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.
    Posted by gussyg  13/01/2017 01:38 PM  8 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • gussyg Remember kids, NEVER light fireworks. Let the adults, who have been drinking all day, light them instead!
    Posted by gussyg  13/01/2017 01:36 PM  7 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • The Grumpy Git If mothers celebrate mothers day, Fathers celebrate fathers day, and lovers celebrate valentine's day, do w*nkers celebrate palm Sunday?
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  11/01/2017 02:38 AM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • sirdawko Some people are like slinkies. They pretty simple but good fun to push down the stairs
    Posted by sirdawko  07/01/2017 05:11 PM  3 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • keetojb I commend any woman for going into labor outside a hospital setting. If I have to poop anywhere besides my own bathroom I go into panic mode
    Posted by keetojb  04/01/2017 12:22 AM  9 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • The Grumpy Git I heard that George Michael's real cause of death was choking on a chocolate. A careless Wispa.
    Posted by The Grumpy Git  03/01/2017 10:29 PM  2 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
  • sirdawko I don't want to think I'm getting old or anything,but all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
    Posted by sirdawko  02/01/2017 12:07 PM  3 Like
    Share on Facebook  |  Share on Twitter
12345678910...Next >